Endless Thoughts

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Location: Orlando, Florida, United States

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Theme Song

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking…I’ve thought it myself…an American Idol song…get real. But seriously, this song should have been my theme song back in June. I don’t know why it’s taken me until now to realize how much I identify with it, but it has. Regardless…here are some more lyrics for my loyal readers :o)

Break Away by Kelly Clarkson

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down,
I’d just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be
And if I’d end up happy,
I would pray.

Try not to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me.
I wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I’d pray,
I could break away.

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly.
I’ll do what it takes, until I touch the sky,
And I’ll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love.
I’ll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,
Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,
Travel on a jet plane,
Fall away, and break away.

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly.
I’ll do what it takes, until I touch the sky,
Gotta make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won’t forget all the ones that I love.
I’ve gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Buildings with a hundred floors,
Swinging with revolving doors,
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me,
But I gotta keep moving on, moving on.
Fly away, break away.

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly.
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget the place I come from.
I’ve gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Break away, Break away.


Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Feeling Under the Weather

Let me start by wishing my little brother a very happy 18th birthday! Yep, that's right, the little brother isn't so little anymore. He said he had had a good birthday and that's good news to me.

I'm feeling a bit under the weather today. A cold is coming on, which really sucks.

I'm participating in NaNoWriMo again this year. I got a slow start and I'm really beginning to wonder if I'm gonna actually finish this time. I've been to a couple of the meetings and there are a lot of Orlando people involved. It's pretty cool to meet some artistic people. Of course I guess looking at Planet Hollywood was probably counterproductive...lol. I suppose I shouldn't say that though...Kristin and Rob are both very creative and artsy.

Things at the bookstore are still going very well. I love my job and I love the people I work with. I got a call for an interview for another part-time job so I guess we'll have to see where that goes. I really do need to find something to get some more money...another pass to Disney wouldn't hurt either. :o)

Perhaps the most exciting thing going on in my life these days is my boyfriend. At times, things have been and are going to be complicated I'm sure, but overall I am very happy and I believe that he is as well. We have shared some really amazing moments together and it surprises me (and scares me just a bit) how natural things feel between us. It's not a bad scared...it's the good kind. The kind where you start to have that feeling that something really wonderful could come out of this. The scared feeling that you know you don't want to screw things up this time around. I see potential for this relationship...lots of potential actually. He treats me so great and I know I don't deserve someone like that...not someone as good as he is. I just hope he decides to stick things out with me in the long run. That was one thing I really feel like Kenn let me down on. The first sign of problems and he bailed. I am pretty sure that this is different and that is so important to me...finding someone who works through things.

Rob has a lot of characteristics that I am looking for in a partner. He's good for me, he's good to me. He inspires me...he's creative...we want a lot of the same things from life...we have similar goals...similar dreams...similar beliefs. We can sit down and have serious and deep discussions. We can be passionate and romantic to he point of making friends want to throw up (yes, Kristin, I'm talking about you :o)). We can laugh and be silly and cut up and have an absolute blast together. We match up in ways that I haven't matched up with anyone in a while and things feel so natural. I can be myself around him and he enjoys me. He may not like everything I do, but I feel like he accepts me for who I am.

Well, I think that's gonna be all for tonight...I really don't feel great and I'm not sure whether this is all making sense or not. I will try and update soon...til then...

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Seeds of Hope

Ok, so at the moment things are really good…peachy actually. I’ve quit my job that was living hell every day for me so now I’m just at the bookstore. Things are great there. I love my job, love the people I work with, and it’s a rather relaxing environment compared to The Big Blue Ball of Hell. No, I’m not making enough $$, but at the moment my sanity is worth struggling with the bills a little. I have more free time to write, dance, work out, spin flags, read…and look for another job. We all remember how long that can take here in the Sunshine State. I have good friends…who I will actually get to see now that I’m not working 16 hour days five days a week. More time to explore this nifty little city I’ve chosen to call home for the moment. Every time I leave the house and go somewhere new I find more stuff that makes me really like living here. It’s a nice town with lots of stuff to do that doesn’t involve rodents. I only wish I had taken more time to explore when I first moved here. But oh well, I guess there’s no time like the present. I have a great guy (nope, we’re still not using the boyfriend/girlfriend terms and yes, it’s way too complicated to explain) who I love spending time with. Not only is he weird and artsy (thank you Carolyn…you all already know that I like that type :o) but he’s also very hot and talented. I think this is the first man that I’ve ever dated that fit my description of being “my type” in the looks department. Dark hair, dark gorgeous eyes….he’s beautiful…but I won’t brag. He has a great personality. He can be silly and sweet and serious…he even broods (which yes, I find sexy when done at the right time). He’s creative and talented which means that he understands me and we all know what a gift that is. Is he perfect? No, but after the whole Kenn thing, I’d be worried if I saw him that way at this point. He does make me happy, however and for now, that’s all I’m asking. A little happiness is a nice thing. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, and he makes me think…all traits that make me want to get to know him more and snuggle even closer to him on the couch. And I’m not a cuddly person :o) So…for now…things are ok. Who knows if this will last forever or if I’ll even want it to, but at this point, he’s definitely someone I want to pursue more of a serious relationship with…and that’s enough on that.

So, while I’m happy for now, I bought Avril Lavigne’s new CD a while back (ok, it was new when I bought it) and it has a great song on there…very nice lyrics. I heard it on the radio for the first time today, but I’ve been listening to it since I got the CD. It’s kinda dark, but I like that and even though I’m happy today, who knows when I’ll need another melancholy song to fit my mood. So here are some more lyrics….


Avril Lavigne
Nobody’s Home


I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
I's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeahShe's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Death to The Big Blue Ball of Hell

Ahoy there mateys! I know I’ve been missing in action for quite a while and I’d like to apologize. I’ve been incredibly bogged down with working two full time jobs lately, but all that is at an end now. Today, much to my sanity’s relief and an overwhelming decrease in stress levels in my life, I quit my job at The Big Blue Ball of Hell. I know that you are all anxious to read the letter that I turned in to my boss so I will provide you with a copy. Just remember that with me, I don’t keep my opinions to myself. Yeah, I know…no surprises there, right? So here it is…the world famous…ok, well not yet…but my version of a great resignation/fuck you letter.

Michele & Ken:

This letter is to inform you that I will be terminating my employment with Planet Hollywood, effective immediately. I regret my inability to provide you with a two-week notice, but I find that I can no longer continue working for a company where I disagree so completely with the way in which business is conducted on an every day basis.

It is a shame that the company is run so poorly because it could be a wonderful job to hold. The environment is high energy as well as fun and getting to work with so many diverse people is a truly unique experience. Unfortunately, the way that business is carried out there makes working highly stressful.

I can no longer work in an environment where I feel no respect from the management and things take place on a daily basis that are unfair and unethical. I will not work somewhere that the management is unwilling to perform the tasks that they assign to their employees. Too many times I have watched a manager take a personal call on their cell phone while the store is crowded and guests are in need of assistance. Too many times I have watched various items be “comped out” because a sales associate doesn’t want to pay for them. Too many times I have seen fellow employees receive special treatment because they are friends with the management. It is unfair and it is no way to run or manage a business. I cannot continue working two full time jobs when the agreement made was that I would become part time. I have been working 15 and 16-hour days three and four days a week and even though it is two separate jobs, I cannot continue to function this way. I have tried to address the issue several times, but have only been put off about it and I cannot continue being ignored.

I am returning my Micros card as well as my name tag. If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact me by my cell phone.