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Location: Orlando, Florida, United States

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Insert Witty Title Here

So I haven’t really written in a while. I guess that’s what happens when you work sixteen-hour days all the time…maybe this two jobs thing wasn’t such a good idea. But the bills have to get paid somehow and Planet just isn’t cutting it right now. So for the moment, most days I work 11 – 4 at Barnes & Nobles and 5 – 2 or 3 AM at Planet (aka the big blue ball of hell). I actually applied for a job at Hard Rock (traitor!) and I can go for an interview on Monday. I simply can’t deal with the bullshit that goes on at PH every day. It’s more corrupt than I ever could have imagined. “The Group” really is a group and they really are getting unfair treatment…to an extreme amount…and that I just can’t deal with. Everyone is struggling for hours. I’m getting about 30 a week and this is supposed to be a full time thing. Well, last week I was looking over the sheet of people who are getting close to having overtime. ALL of them were people from “the group” and all of them are working between 38 and 45 hours a week. Tell me how that’s fair. Everyone else is trying to get hours and yet somehow they’re all ok? WTF?!

Then you have “The Girl with the Forked Tongue”. I’m pretty sure she’s sleeping with all three of the managers. I wonder if that ever gets confusing or if they take notes and compare things about her later on. One would think that it would have to be awkward to stand in a meeting with all of your bosses and know that you’re banging each of them later on in the night. So she takes care of their needs and in exchange she gets to do things like take Ken Ken for a ride in her brand new car and let him buy her ice cream while she does no work but stays clocked in for 2 hours. And then there was that little comment she made the other day at pre-shift when someone said that the supervisor who had a question about closing the mini at 2 AM should have called Ken. “He wouldn’t have answered.” Do I need to remind anyone that Ken Ken is married?!

There’s “The Trendsetter” who for some strange reason manages to get “the group” to follow his lingo blindly. As a result, all sorts of scary words such as “Fantasmic”, “Hells” and “Shoo” are circulating the store with no end in sight. It’s bizarre the way they flock to him and follow his lead. It almost resembles one of those religious groups whose leader ends up making them all drink poisoned Kool-Aid together. I’m sure there is some witty comment just waiting to be made as I compare stupid phrases to poisoned Kool-Aid, but it’s just not coming to me at the moment. The Trendsetter has also managed to steal almost one piece of every type of merchandise from the stores and have the management comp it out for him. Now my first question is the obvious Why would you want that shit? But my second deals with morals and ethics and since the group clearly has none…we will move on.

There is one member of the group that I’ve grown rather partial to…Although I know that Julien is a key player to the group, I must admit that I actually like him. When Julien is not around the group, he is a very neat individual. He’s very intellectual and cultured. He’s very interesting to talk to and I find myself looking forward to the conversations we have when we work alone together. The moment a member of the group walks in however, the conversations shift and become more light-hearted and not so serious. It’s kind of sad and I wonder if they even know all the depth there is to Julien or if he is just a fun Frenchman to party with. If that’s the case, they are really missing out and Julien is selling himself short.

So that’s enough about the corruption that exists in the Big Blue Ball of Hell…how about the corruption at Disney?! Let’s talk about the Mouse or the Rat…whichever you prefer. Disney brainwashes people. I haven’t figured out exactly how just yet…it seems as if placing ears on them and reorganizing their brain waves would be too obvious, but then I guess you never know. Can anyone tell me why we were the only people in the whole damn city who had to work last night? Go ahead…anyone…you there, in the corner in the back, go ahead and give it a shot. “It was a beautiful day yesterday.” Oh yeah…you’ve been brainwashed by The Mouse…have you been eating that hallucinogenic cheese again? We were open yesterday because Mickey might as well just shout out “Fuck you” to all of his employees over the loudspeaker. “We don’t care if your homes blow away in the storm tomorrow because you haven’t had time to prepare. Remember what we told you in Traditions? All of our employees should be replaceable…everyone should just blend in.” Why don’t they just build an entire army of robotic mice? Wouldn’t that be cheaper ultimately anyway? I mean, you wouldn’t have to pay them, right? I would actually be a little surprised if they hadn’t already thought of this.

So what did we do yesterday while the entire city was preparing for the storm? We stayed open and worked to bring that extra hundred bucks in…because after all, it was a beautiful day! Here’s another great little tidbit about Disney. Did you know that, as an employee, we’re not allowed to bring up any bad news to guests? I understand that they’re trying to make sure the Fantasy Vacation is complete…I mean, after all, they’re selling happiness, right? Bottled happiness. But there is a point where it just goes to far. Example? Alrighty then…a guest comes in and says, “It’s a hot day out today.” We’re expected to say something to the effect of, “Yeah, but it’s beautiful out there.” Alright, I accept that…play into the fantasy…no harm done. But say for example when 9/11 happened, if a guest came in and asked an employee what was going on they were supposed to tell them that they didn’t really know because they’d been at work all day. What the hell is that? I mean come on people, you can’t just ignore that shit and make it go away. The Mouse is disturbed…there are some serious issues with that way of thinking.

And because Disney is the great and wonderful company that it is, we’re all getting Severe Weather Pay for the time we miss because of the hurricane, right? Is that mouse laughter that I hear? Of course we’re not! It’s probably part of the brainwashing process…we’re supposed to be happy we’re getting the hours now because they’re sure as hell not gonna pay us for the couple of days they have to shut down the park. Do you know how much money Mickey is losing? He’s gonna have to settle for a cheaper brand of cheese for a couple of days at this rate. I can see the dollar signs clicking away in his eyes as he imagines all the lost opportunities.

And as if on cue, the hurricane winds are howling just outside my window. I’d like to shout out a great big Thank You to the lovely Sunshine State on greeting me with not one, but two nice hurricanes in my first two months of residency. Nothing says Welcome Home like having to wonder if a tree is going to land on your car in the middle of the night….or how about a twig launching itself as a small projectile through your window. Ahhh, the excitement of hurricane season…to think of how I was missing out on all this fun in Alabama. But I suppose if I have to choose, I’d rather die in a hurricane than from sheer boredom.

You know, the people from Barnes & Noble never called to say we weren’t working tomorrow. So does that mean that I’m supposed to show up at 8:30 AM? If they think that’s gonna happen, they’ve lost their damn minds. Somehow I figure I probably just missed the call though. We’ve been closed since Thursday night and since they actually care about us, they are paying us for Severe Weather Pay. Obviously they haven’t been affected by the corruption of the mouse’s dollar yet.

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