Endless Thoughts

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Location: Orlando, Florida, United States

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Happy & Blessed

Ahhh…one nice big sigh of relief that the week is at an end.

Just to make all of you Alabamians who are nice enough to still care about me and read my live journal to see what’s going on a bit jealous of the Floridian way of life, I’ll let you know that I am sitting on the beach as I write this. Its a bright beautiful sunny day. The temperature is in the mid-70’s, but there is a nice breeze blowing. The waves are a decent size, crashing against the shore just loud enough to remind me of their power. Its beautiful, really beautiful. And when I am all done here in a little while, I might just go down and put my hands in the water. Or maybe, if I’m feeling real adventurous (it is almost November after all), I’ll take off my shoes and wiggle my toes in the sand. Anyone getting jealous yet? Because man, I love living in Florida!

This thought of living in The Sunshine State brings me to a moment of reflection. As I stare out at the ocean (and yes, I really am on the ocean side this time), I realize how hypnotic it is. It really just draws you into it, sucking you in with its beauty and holding you with its magnitude. Its amazing to think really, how many writers have written about it and yet its something that you can’t really fully appreciate until its right there with you and you just can’t look away.

But back to my moment of reflection. I realized the other day that I took a different path when I moved to Florida. And this “path” I’m referring to is a lot different than the obvious choice of moving to a different city/state. I’ve made different life choices since I got here and I realized the other day that they have led to a very happy point in my life. I’m not sure the decisions were conscious ones. This is definitely not the path I think I was aiming for by moving here. But I am, none-the-less, very happy and very blessed where I am right now. A sad revelation this has led me to is that I am beginning to realize that I will probably never dance or do color guard again (and yes, that thought has led to some very teary nights), but in the end, I think that might be ok with me.

I have a great job that I love and is beginning to look a bit more like a “career” with each passing day. I work for a company that I for once actually believe in. I have great managers who I feel truly have my best interest at heart and I feel that I can learn so much from. I get to work with a product every day that I believe in, a product that my knowledge of is actually educational, a product that people can really benefit from. I work with people who are educated and interesting, people who are competent (for the most part) and can hold intelligent conversations, people who are well read, people who I can actually learn things from! I have a job where I am moving forward and a job where I feel that people actually realize and reward me for what I bring to the table. I love my job!

I have a boyfriend who is truly out of this world and completely wonderful not only to me, but for me. I have found in him not only a best friend, but also a creative partner, a motivator, someone who requires and encourages me to become a better person and someone that I can really see as being my soul mate for life. I have found someone who I firmly believe I met at the perfect time in both of our lives. I don’t believe that any other person could have met and impacted us the way we did each other. We fit each other so perfectly that it can be overwhelming at times. We need each other. He is everything, everything, that I needed and could ever have hoped for in my life. I love him with all my heart and I cannot imagine what things might be like without him. He is a blessing and a gift from God.

My creative outlets, which were once fueled by dance and guard, are at this point being funneled into writing and film. Writing (while always present in my life) has never been such a large and driving force as it is now. I realize now that I write not to become rich and famous (I mean really, how many filthy rich authors are there?!), not to get published, not to impress my ideas on others, but because it has to come out of my system. I guess that, coupled with my ever present fear that I’m not really any good at writing, accounts for the fact that I have so many stories that I’ve never shared with anyone over the last fifteen years of my life. Because ultimately, it doesn’t matter if the things I write are never read by anyone. I am, after all, only writing them for me. If I don’t get my ideas out on paper, they will consume me.

Film is a creative outlet I am only beginning to tap into, but the more involved I become, the more involved I want to be. If I can motivate my film “partners” who I believe have much more knowledge than me to get going, I can only imagine what creative fields we may be able to conquer.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are days when I get super depressed still. And things in my world are far from “perfect”, but I do feel very blessed and ultimately very happy. I only hope that things continue to take turns for the better.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I just finished reading a book so phenomenal that I felt I had to share it with everyone who keeps up with my live journal. If you’re looking for something exceptional to read, let me suggest the new fiction novel Capt Hook by J.V. Hart. Yes, it may be considered a “children’s book” but this writer’s first novel is better than some much more experienced and popular writer’s tenth or twentieth books. Hart, however, is not a newcomer to the writing scene. He is well known for his screenplays that include Muppet Treasure Island, Contact, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and of course, Hook.

This new novel is a great adventure in which the reader learns of Captain Hook’s past and Hart takes us on a journey like no other. His writing is vivid and lush, descriptive, leaving nothing but beautiful pictures in our imaginations of his take on Neverland and how one of my all time favorite villains got there. If you are familiar with the story of Peter Pan, you will love the foreshadowing and symbolism that Hart uses throughout the novel to enrich his characters. For those of us who love pirate stories and Peter Pan, Hart has hidden goodies all through his text for us to find. His main character King James Matthew Bastard for instance, happens to have the same initials as our beloved J.M. Barrie (author of Peter Pan) and whose best friend happens to go by the nickname Jolly Roger. Almost all of his characters, for that matter seem to have some sort of symbolic names. There are Davies, Llewellyns, etc as well as characters with significant first names.

I don’t want to spoil too much, but I have to elaborate a bit on one of my favorite parts where we meet Jas’ pet spider: a nine inch black beauty with yellow spots in the shape of a hook on her back. She enjoys sitting on Jas’ hand, where due to her largeness, she manages to cover his entire hand! Loved it!
I simply can’t express how awesome Hart’s writing is or how much I thoroughly enjoyed his story. You must read it for yourself. I promise you will be in for a treat.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Hang in there with me readers...

So as anyone else been bored enough to read Jennifer Anniston’s “tell all” interview in this month’s Vanity Fair? Well, I could say it’s because I want to be informed at my job or I could say that I had nothing else to do, but neither would be true. The truth is I’m just nosy.

So I read the whole damn four page thing (how many people really want to see her in her underwear after all? I mean, come on, even Brad Pitt said he’d had enough, but I digress). But after reading it, I have to give her credit for one thing: The paragraph where she talks about not being a victim. Finally, someone out there who takes responsibility and refuses to pass the buck on to someone else. And although I’ve never been a fan of hers, I must say that I admire and respect her for that. There are entirely too many people in our American society who blame everything that goes wrong for them on someone else. And yes, I am writing this with someone in particular in mind, but it is something that I have felt about Americans in general for a very long time.

Granted, I understand that it is easier to blame someone else for your problems, point your finger at someone else for things that have occurred due to your own faults, failures, or shortcomings. It’s a hell of a lot easier to play the victim and whine and complain about the unfairness that life has dealt you. And I’m sure it’s easier to sleep at night when you don’t have to think about how you could have done things differently or (heaven forbid I even type it) better.
So I applaud Jennifer Anniston’s refusal to become a victim. And I believe more women should try and take to heart what she is getting at there. It’s time we own up to our own faults and stop pointing our fingers at the other people around us. And of all people, Anniston could definitely have played the victim card and played it well, if she had wanted to. She could have cried to America about how unfair it all was and Americans would have responded. “Poor Jennifer Anniston, look at what a horrible husband Brad Pitt is,” or “Look at that homewrecker Angelina Jolie.” But she didn’t. Instead, she bucked up and took responsibility for her part. In the article she claims that it was both her fault as well as Pitt’s…which is fair, I believe, since it was their relationship.
But not once does Anniston make any negative comments whatsoever about Jolie. Talk about having good character. She doesn’t bad mouth her or point a single finger in her direction. So congratulations to America’s sweetheart for winning my vote. Now if only more Americans could follow in her footsteps and be such classy and respectable citizens.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Me and Rob


Too cute not to post...he's so hot.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

feeling yucky

Wrote a long entry, but it didn’t come out like I wanted it to. I’m just frustrated with so many things right now. Just when it seems like everything’s going to come together is when it all starts seeming like it’s going to fall apart again. I’m so tired of feeling this way. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but something’s got to change. I’m tired of the mood swings…tired of the ups and downs…just tired….so fucking tired.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Greetings from Clearwater

Bonjour! So, last night was my second night of twisting balloons for tips. It really sucks to have to work all day and night, but I’m getting paid to see my boyfriend pretty much so it can’t be all that bad, right? I suppose not. So, my first night out I made a whopping $3.00 and then last night I made $11.00 so I guess things are getting better…but I need them to get A LOT better. For now though, I’ve abandoned my idea of working part time as a member of a pirate crew and I’m gonna see how things work out with Rob. If I can make good money doing it, this would definitely be the ideal situation…especially when we start filming the movie…etc. Rob and I spent the day in Clearwater today. At this moment, he’s twisting balloons and perhaps doing a bit of magic as well at Champps while I sit in the mall and write. I’ve found a quiet little spot by a fountain…good lighting, no people walking by, and the running water is just loud enough to drown out the Muzak and the annoying shopper’s conversations. Maybe when I finish this I’ll try and actually read a bit. Rob and I had lunch at this nice little restaurant me and my family found when we were down here. It sits right on the water and you can eat outside. We stayed there for a while, me working on my PotC fanfiction that I haven’t updated in decades and Rob working on the script. Nothing is better than sitting on the beach, drinking rum, eating seafood and watching the pirate ship go by while writing my pirate story. Argh! Until you drink too much rum, start to get tipsy and your boyfriend has to drive. Then you get where you’re going and you try to write to pass the time, but your head hurts too bad to actually think…yeah, not so much fun.Alright, enough for now…I’m gonna try to go read The Three Musketeers. My head hurts way too bad to get any creative or productive writing done.Bonsoir!

Monday, February 28, 2005

Birthday Celebrations

Well, in case you have been under a rock for the last week…yesterday was my birthday. As I have been informed by several of those younger than me, who like to joke on my old age, I am now a quarter of a century. If I were a car, I could be an antique. What a warm and fuzzy feeling that sends out. Despite the fact that this was my first birthday away from home, ever, it was rather incredible. For the first time since I moved here, I feel that I am really connecting with people and really making some real friends. Several people surprised me over the last few days with different little things, but overall it made for a really memorable and special birthday. My parents came down and visited last weekend. We went to Clearwater where we took a pirate cruise. Definite cool points as well as a job offer from the pirate captain. I’m currently looking into getting hired part time there. How fitting would that be…me as a part time pirate?! Aargh matey!Saturday, my friend Dave came by the bookstore to bring me what may be one of the coolest birthday presents ever…a poster from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as well as an autographed photo. Yes, for all of you wondering, I now actually have a Johnny Depp autographed piece to add to my always-growing collection!Last night I had some friends over to watch the Oscars as part of my birthday celebration. I made Jell-O shots for the first time in what seems like years. My friend Joannie brought homemade cupcakes that she baked from scratch…very yummy and even more thoughtful. It was pretty cool that people were actually willing to put up with me through a viewing of the Oscars. (Did anyone else happen to notice that Johnny has his gold teeth back in?!) Rob bought me a very cool thumb ring that spins around and entertains my ADD-self…very cool.I was a bit disappointed that my other friend Rob didn’t show up, but when I got to work today he had a surprise for me. He had bought me a card and had everyone in the store sign it and he had also gotten me a cake. Wow! I was impressed. That kind of stuff means a lot to me.It was really good to see that I have some people here who are really looking out for me and that is cool.